Jon and I were told about a month ago, that the kids' (Shon, Cory, and Liv) current caseworker had been transferred to another department, and that we would be receiving a new worker. We were saddened by the news because we love our Lily so much. Lily is much like her name suggests. She is young, excited to work each case, full of smiles and laughter...she is a beautiful person. She loves the kiddos immensely.
After much anticipation, we finally met our new caseworker yesterday. It is hard to describe our new caseworker without sounding a bit judgemental, so I will just refrain from a description. I will say this about her though. She has been with the department for 19 years, and she has incredible amounts of experience. She appears to be very knowledgable about the legal aspects of foster care and adoption, and because of this knowledge, I believe this will be good for our case.
My whole point that I am trying to make with all this is that because of this change in caseworkers, fear has crept in again. Fear is like mold on berries. If not caught immediately, and removed from the fruit, before you know it...the entire basket is covered in fuzz. This is how I feel today. Full of fear, and anxiety, and fuzzy from the emotional roller coaster of fostering to adopt.
My fears started when *Sue told me that she would have to reconsider placing the boys, with family in Texas. WHAT!!! We had been told that the decision to keep the boys with us was already made, but according to Sue, she can overturn that decision if she feels it is in the best interest of the boys. Well of course it is not in their best interest. I mean...come on... we all know that!
So here I am, feeling as sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, and anxious as I did clear back in November, when we were first informed of biological family even existing in the great big picture. Once again, I want to take control and find any kind of negative information that I can on the family in TX, and make sure that there is no way they will get the boys. I have to remind myself-this is not my place.
God's word is very clear: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:6-8
So tonight, I am picking the moldy berries out of my basket, washing the few remaining good fruit, and tearfully praying for clarity, Godly wisdom, self control, peace, and that God's will be done.
*Fictitious name
It will be good, Misty...perhaps not what we have been praying for exactly. Our human hearts long to have the physical permanence implanted there so as we can tell ourselves we don't have to fear their being taken away from you all. But....let's hold tight and not read anything into these days but pure thankfulness for their being, pure love for the wonderful creation that they are, and for the incredible joy all of us, including them, have experienced while on this journey. Remember that this is not "all there is" but the beginning of eternity for believers. And for that we will pray for all of our grandchildren, that they will be strong believers. Love, Mom
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